pylades_drunk: (eyes fixed)
[personal profile] pylades_drunk
It's Christmas Eve and they're still decorating. Re-decorating, inasmuch as there were very many decorations before, because the cats have done their very best to topple the tree, late-purchased as it was, twice now (once Trick actually got stuck in the damn thing) and have brought down a good number of the baubles.

There's some bizarre holiday movie on the TV, though, and everyone's laughing. It'd be easy to snipe at each other if any or all were in a mood, over something as stupid as decorations and the cats, the stress of oncoming snow for Edgar or holidays in general for both Grantaire and Neil. Instead, it feels warmer than it has in months, and he turns from where he's choosing an aesthetically pleasing spot on the slightly disheveled tree for one of the ornaments to watch Edgar and Neil getting more fucking around accomplished than actually decorating.

It feels right, this moment, relaxed and unloaded, and it sort of just slips from his mouth.

"We should get married."

This is not how he planned it.

There are actual rings supposed to be involved, for one thing, hidden away in the room he rarely uses anymore. Several different length speeches that never sound right in his head, one version where they're all gathered together and another individually and private. Some where it's fairly romantic and spectacular (a few of these at Julie's suggestion, for she's crafty and he'd confessed his thinking to her back in July), and some more like this.

This isn't spectacular, it's not even something he was quite prepared to hear himself say, but it carries, and he bites his lip, suddenly anxious all over in a way he's not familiar with.

Date: 2018-12-27 02:41 am (UTC)
humanresource: (Clean)
From: [personal profile] humanresource
"What, right now?" Edgar asked, Grantaire's words not actually registering before his mouth started running. Then his mind paused, rewound, and took a moment. "Oh, shit." Grantaire was serious, wasn't he?

Sitting up properly, he scanned Grantaire's face for any sign of jest and then Neil's, to see his reaction. No, as far as he could see, this was real. Casual, but real.

"Yeah," he finally said, tilting his head at them, not entirely sure if this was a proposal or a discussion. "That'd be cool."

Date: 2018-12-27 02:51 am (UTC)
myfavoritedream: (Default)
From: [personal profile] myfavoritedream
There was glitter in Edgar's hair.

It was on my palms, too, rubbed off from the package of cheap, plastic, shatterproof ornaments we bought to replace the nicer ones that the cats had their way with last year. There were ornaments on the floor, sprigs of fake holly on the couch, and I sat astride one of Edgar's thighs, the two of us laughing about something inconsequential when Grantaire opened his big fucking mouth.

I sat back, watching them both talk, my pulse thundering audibly inside my skull. They both looked so fucking casual. "You're fucking joking, right?" I let out a strangled laugh, waiting for R to crack a big fucking smile and for us to go on like nothing happened. But I knew he wasn't like that. He wouldn't joke like that.

This was real.

Date: 2018-12-27 11:57 pm (UTC)
humanresource: (Couch)
From: [personal profile] humanresource
If it were anyone but Neil, Edgar wouldn't have directed the faint changes in his expression that led up into nervous laughter. Grantaire was serious, obviously, but there also wasn't an immediacy to it that would've made Edgar panic. If Grantaire were demanding they do it right now and there was already a car waiting, Edgar would've insisted that their lover had lost his fucking mind.

"I still don't think we should do it tonight," Edgar said. "City Hall's closed, first of all. Plus who knows what fuckery is around the corner for New Year's." But as a not too distant prospect? He could be okay with that.

Edgar looked now to Neil, shrugging faintly. "We're all practically there and boring anyway. We might as well get a party out of it." The relationship was already closed to the three of them and they all brought in rent and spent time together. What would being married change except that they'd put a grand gesture to it?

Date: 2018-12-30 03:19 am (UTC)
myfavoritedream: (Blank)
From: [personal profile] myfavoritedream
"Christ, Edgar, will you shut up?"

It was cruel, and I immediately regretted it, stumbling to feet and sucking in a sharp, pained gasp as I knocked my knee on the edge of the coffee table. Edgar was playing it off like it was nothing, just a party and an excuse for presents. In my mind, the few times I'd allowed myself to think about this, I was right there with him. We'd all shrug-- sure, it was a good idea. We'd go to City Hall, maybe, and that'd be that. An excuse for cake and a new microwave. No big deal.

But instead, it stretched out ahead of me, huge and looming, not because I didn't want it, but because I fucking did. With a humiliating twist in my gut, it hit me that I didn't want it to be a fucking joke. I didn't want it to be just a party and cake.

I stood there, red-faced and my hands hanging helplessly at my sides, looking to Grantaire for... something. For proof, maybe. For him to make it real beyond just a flippant suggestion spoken over the shitty Christmas movie playing with the volume turned low.

"You're serious," I murmured flatly, like a fucking idiot.

Date: 2018-12-30 07:36 am (UTC)
humanresource: (Clean)
From: [personal profile] humanresource
Edgar flinched at Neil's reaction, his face quickly morphing between confusion, hurt, annoyance, and then cycling back to one of the others. A part of him wanted to ask what the big deal was. Marriage wouldn't really change anything for any of them. They would wake up together and go to bed together and if there was some kind of declaration in between, would that really change how things ended? They'd already been through so many versions of hell that this seemed like the least dramatic part of it. Of course they should get married. They practically already were

Another part of him felt a little distanced, broken, at his lack of intense reaction. If he'd grown up normally, hadn't been penned into the Tail, maybe he would understand and be as excited and nervous as the others.

Grantaire launched into one of his explanations and it was sincere, slightly graceless, and made Edgar's heart squeezed. Putting it like that made it seem a little more important, making it a declaration. He liked the sound of it, the chance to show the world, but he still couldn't understand the alarm either.

"You've both already got me," he said, finding the thing he did understand and know to be completely true. "If you want to put that on paper, I don't see why I'd not want to. Not with the both of you."

Date: 2018-12-30 06:13 pm (UTC)
myfavoritedream: (Blank)
From: [personal profile] myfavoritedream
Husbands.

The blood rushed inside my skull, the sound of it like thunderous marching, with my knee throbbing in time. It should've been laughable. I couldn't really wrap my head around why I wasn't laughing and rolling my eyes at the whole idea. I never wanted to be a fucking husband. That shit was for straight people, for normal people, for boring people.

I hadn't known a single happily married couple, growing up. Marriages were fucking poison. But for all its faults and all its petty cruelties, Darrow had a way of making the impossible possible.

Funny thing was, it didn't even occur to me to question that I wanted them. That part was a given. But I couldn't really understand why they wanted me for something like this, with all my baggage and bullshit, already ruined for normal by the age of eight.

Letting out a wavering breath, I looked to Edgar, shamefully apologetic as I reached out to take his hand. He looked confused more than anything, and I couldn't help but feel guilty when I thought of how he grew up and why he wouldn't have thought it was much of a big deal.

"Yeah," I said, quiet and strangled, shoulders lifting in a helpless shrug. "Yeah, okay."

Date: 2019-01-03 12:47 am (UTC)
humanresource: (Kiss)
From: [personal profile] humanresource
There was something beautiful about the way he didn't have to explain those moments anymore, much though he hated that they still happened. Neil looked toward him in a way that wasn't quite an apology but that showed he knew why Edgar was making a face, feeling lost. Their joined hands helped and Edgar reminded himself that there was still a lot for him to learn but he wouldn't lose those two for not knowing it.

Neil's words were as casual as Edgar's but there was still tension in his voice that Edgar didn't feel. But he was still saying yes, still willing to stick with this.

Finally, finally, the three of them were enveloped into one another's arms and Edgar wrapped an arm around Grantaire to drag him closer. "Why wouldn't you be serious?" he asked Grantaire. "I'm pretty sure the three of us are the only things we're serious about."

Date: 2019-01-06 03:04 am (UTC)
myfavoritedream: (Default)
From: [personal profile] myfavoritedream
I hovered in close to Edgar, nudging an apologetic kiss to his cheek. Then, there was Grantaire, and all three of us were tangled up together. Somehow, it never felt awkward, despite there being too many hands and knobby knees and elbows. We just fit, and I was more than willing to make a promise to keep what we had for as long as we could.

My arm around Grantaire's neck, I had a hard time catching my breath, but it wasn't panic. It just felt so fucking big, swelling up in my chest, warm and real and impossible. I choked out a hiccuping laugh, the sound of it a little too close to tears. "It feels kind of different," I admitted, my forehead butting against Grantaire's. If it wasn't different, if didn't matter, no one would bother. If it wasn't a big deal, I sure as hell wouldn't have felt so bitter about the whole thing, a queer kid in nineteen eighties middle America with a single mother, watching a revolving door of men coming and going out of her life without staying.

Date: 2019-01-22 01:27 am (UTC)
humanresource: (Bothering someone)
From: [personal profile] humanresource
Edgar reveled in this kisses, moving so he could wrap an arm around each of them with equal intensity, equal stability. It was only the truth, he figured. Sure, there were other things he worried and cared about, other things he took seriously, but none of them came close to matching Neil and Grantaire.

They talked over and around him and Edgar searched into himself, wondering if it would come with the flip of a switch. He couldn't find any state change within himself but he felt warm, down in his chest, like someone was blowing on an ember. It had already been there, already been hot, but every new breath made its glow stronger, brighter. Except with them, it didn't fade. It just grew.

"It's important," he said. He knew as much, could feel that growing understanding. Maybe he wasn't a mess of tears or heart palpitations, but he knew it was important and that felt different. "It's still us, but it's important." He glanced between the others and thought that was right at the core of it.

Date: 2019-01-26 06:28 am (UTC)
myfavoritedream: (Default)
From: [personal profile] myfavoritedream
I nodded, wordless and embarrassingly choked up. A tear spilled over my cheek and I hastily wiped it away with the back of my hand, letting out a rough laugh and rolling my eyes at my own bullshit.

Christ, I'd always hated those simpering bitches in movies, sobbing and falling all over themselves over an engagement. It always seemed so stupid. But now I was an overwhelmed mess of emotions I couldn't quite sort through, sick to my stomach and half ready to run out the door before I could say or do anything else stupid, but underneath all of it, I thought I might've been... happy. Just happy.

And wasn't it just fuckin' pathetic that I still wasn't familiar enough with the feeling to be completely sure.

Date: 2019-02-02 01:19 am (UTC)
humanresource: (At Rest)
From: [personal profile] humanresource
"And if you start then I'm going to sit here like an idiot until I have to join in," Edgar added, though his voice was even less stern than Grantaire. He let out a calm, easy breath and relaxed, making a faint noise of protest when Grantaire moved away and then suggested they stand up.

The joke was too easy and he needed some lightness after all of their serious talk, so Edgar put on an exaggerated leer. "Yeah, we know what's in the room," he said, though he found he actually didn't. Edgar knew that rings were a thing with engagement but for some reason, it hadn't connected that it would feature with them now.

Date: 2019-02-06 03:21 am (UTC)
myfavoritedream: (Default)
From: [personal profile] myfavoritedream
Rolling my eyes at Edgar, I snorted out a wet laugh, scrubbing a hand across my face and trying to hide how fucking embarrassed I was.

"Yeah, but he could show us that in any room," I pointed out, reaching for Edgar's hand and shuffling towards the steps leading into the loft. It was an ungainly trip, three of us trying to walk up the stairs while keeping hold of each other and staring into each other's eyes like a couple of dicks.

On the landing, I brushed past them both, moving to sit on the edge of the bed, because I really fucking needed to sit down.

"Okay, man. Get on with it," I said, going to flippancy, but there was a crooked smile on my face that I just couldn't shake.

Date: 2019-02-11 01:43 am (UTC)
humanresource: (Kiss)
From: [personal profile] humanresource
Edgar started to sit and then paused, like he wasn't sure he ought to, leaving him in an awkward crouch until he decided to just follow Neil's example. So much of this was beyond what he'd ever been supposed to have. The Tail hadn't had rings and marriages. Hell, the Tail had been too fucking poor to even have traditions, really, of any kind. Now here he was, enjoying Christmas, getting proposed to, feeling cherished and so fucking alive.

The rings were beautiful and Edgar leaned forward but couldn't quite reach out for them, like they'd vanish if he touched them. Stupid, when one of them had been purchased exactly for him, but Edgar was hard pressed to imagine that he'd ever own something so beautiful.

"You would get something poetic and fucking impossible," he said, finally daring to run a finger along the curve of his ring.

He leaned forward and gave Grantaire a proper return for that kiss on the stairs and then sat back up, turning to look at Neil, watching for his reaction.

Date: 2019-02-15 03:29 am (UTC)
myfavoritedream: (Wary as fuck)
From: [personal profile] myfavoritedream
"Jesus fuckin'--" I cut myself off, scrubbing a hand across my eyes, my mouth drawn into a pained wince. He'd really been planning this, for a while. It was ridiculous, the thought of me wearing a goddamn engagement ring. I had jewelry-- a few pieces here or there, things given to me by men, things I'd bought myself, but a ring was different.

The one meant for me was a dark wood, nearly black, with a single stripe of silvery grey. Edgar's was more golden, with a copper and silver stripe. They did, somehow, suit us perfectly.

"You gonna, um--" I put my hand out awkwardly, knowing that if I'd been the type to blush, now might've been the time for it. Luckily, I wasn't.

Date: 2019-02-24 06:50 am (UTC)
humanresource: (Joy)
From: [personal profile] humanresource
They could only have happened in Darrow, the three of them. It's about as impossible as fossils from a place without history , mixed with metal from the sky, elements that should never have met and yet were there. Edgar wasn't much for words unless he was about to insult someone or incite violence. When it came to trying to express how beautiful he thought they were and how much he loved them? He was lost.

Edgar let Grantaire slide the ring onto his finger and then took a moment to contemplate it. The ring was still new, foreign on his person, but he could imagine it being there every day, getting used to it, until the ring was an ingrained part of his being. Just like they were.

"I love them," he said, finally tearing his eyes away from the ring to look up at Neil and Grantaire. "Fuck, I love you both."

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