The knowledge, more than the actual pain, of falling backwards is what
shudders through Grantaire first, the ache of his hips afterwards a dull
thing that promises nothing good tomorrow, but not much right now. "Don't
touch me," he says, petty and knowing it, flinching one shoulder back, but
he sort of wants Neil more than anything else, too, so it's a largely
unsuccessful effort with himself, and he doesn't protest any further, just
puts his head in his hands, trying very hard not to cry, his shoulders
hitching for just a moment. "I'm fine," he says finally. "I'm fine, I'll
--" He shoves one hand over his face, focusing on how to best get up. "I
should go home," he agrees. "I'm sorry. I'm -- so sorry."
He's not sure he can quite make it clear what he's sorry for, because it's
not just being here, it's everything. Doing too much. Not doing
enough. Not being strong enough to not be this.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2020-06-11 12:11 am (UTC)The knowledge, more than the actual pain, of falling backwards is what shudders through Grantaire first, the ache of his hips afterwards a dull thing that promises nothing good tomorrow, but not much right now. "Don't touch me," he says, petty and knowing it, flinching one shoulder back, but he sort of wants Neil more than anything else, too, so it's a largely unsuccessful effort with himself, and he doesn't protest any further, just puts his head in his hands, trying very hard not to cry, his shoulders hitching for just a moment. "I'm fine," he says finally. "I'm fine, I'll --" He shoves one hand over his face, focusing on how to best get up. "I should go home," he agrees. "I'm sorry. I'm -- so sorry."
He's not sure he can quite make it clear what he's sorry for, because it's not just being here, it's everything. Doing too much. Not doing enough. Not being strong enough to not be this.